You Are Not Called to Adopt

You are sure of it. You know families built through foster care and adoption. You may admire them, however, it just isn’t for you. Please exhale, my friend. It’s okay. You may be right.

Adoption is beautiful, redemptive, traumatic and hard. It is always birthed in brokenness. Many strong marriages don’t make it through, and there are lasting side effects. That is the bad news. The fantastic news is that when a fire is burning, there is light. When we are broken, we realize our deep need for each other, and wisdom comes through experience. Even so, recognizing that all families are not meant to adopt, we acknowledge that all are asked to help the widow and the orphan. So what can you do?

Advocate. This takes no money, no long term commitment….just your voice. You know that the best place for children is in a loving family. You can use your voice, your social media presence, your moms’ group, small group, soccer team……..wherever you know people. Learn about one child and become their biggest fan! Maybe it is a Wednesday’s Child. Or you read about someone through Rainbow Kids. You may have a deep love for Mexico ever since you went there on a missions trip 20 years ago. Find a child who needs a family and advocate for them. Consider hosting over the summer or Christmas holidays. Project 143 is a fantastic hosting organization. You are NOT ever committed to adopt a child you host. The hope is that you will be a vehicle to find them a forever family, as they live with you, and get to know people in your community.

Financial support. The paperwork and travel for adoption can cost upwards of $30,000! It could be that you provide the family with a meal just to give someone a break. You could send a mom on a retreat such as Created for Care. This site is designed especially for foster and adoptive moms to connect and recharge. One of the best ways to support the foster and adoptive families you already know would be to show genuine interest in their lives. Not advice, just love. Read The Connected Child, In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know About Adoption, or Ready or Not for Battle Weary Parents to understand them better. It would mean the world to them to have you come alongside and be part of their village. If they know that you took the time to read and educate yourself, they may feel open enough to trust you with their own brokenness. We all need community, and safe ones are hard to find for these families.

Love Those Who Don’t Belong. What happens to children who age out of foster care at 18? The tragic reality is that 27,000 young adults are launched every year without a single stable connection. No family, no support, no real idea of how to live an adult life. Can you imagine not having somewhere to go at 18? 1 in 5 will become homeless. Only half will be employed by 24. Less than 3% will earn a college degree. 71% of the young women will be pregnant by 21. We can change this. Support them. Be their stability. Get involved with organizations like Connections Homes who are working hard to make a difference in their young adult lives.

Pray. You may believe that you are not called to foster or adopt, or be involved in any other way. But you can pray. Find a specific child or family for whom you can pray. Pray that child into the promises God has for them; declaring life and vision over them; hope for their future. Pray for the foster and adoptive parents to not grow weary and to continue to fight through their challenges together. Pray that God would break your heart for what breaks His, and then act without hesitation or excuse when He answers you. Because He will.

By Virginia Bubar, an adoptive Mom and a Director with Created for Care. She and her husband have the desire to bring words that speak life and bring joy into homes everywhere through their shop Provision & Rest.

Georgia Right to Life expresses deep gratitude to Virginia Bubar for sharing her first hand thoughts and perspective on adoption.