My Abortion Story
Tish Kleindienst
My story began back in 1976, soon after abortion had just become legal nationwide in 1973. My mom intentionally got pregnant with me at fifteen years old to escape her abusive home. Although she was a drug addict and was heavily pressured to abort me, by God’s grace, my mom chose life for me. Now, because my mom chose life for me, my children have life, and their children will have life. Praise God!
Unfortunately, the same was not true for my son, Joshua. When I was nineteen years old, I made the worst decision of my life and took his precious life from him. That decision would change the course of my life forever.
As a young person, I was taught to be an atheist, a liberal, and a feminist. Because my family believed there was no God, there was no sin that was off limits in our household: sex outside of marriage, drug and alcohol abuse, abortion, pornography… You name it, it was accepted and celebrated!
I believed all the lies that the enemy claims regarding preborn babies.
I believed the lie that a woman’s right to choose is paramount to her baby’s right to live.
I believed the lie that abortion was a simple solution to my big problem of pregnancy.
I believed the lie that my baby was just a clump of cells and could not feel pain.
Joshua
However, none of those things were true. My sweet boy, Joshua, was twelve weeks along and could feel everything that happened to him. He was in fact a baby from the moment of fertilization.
His life was valuable because he was made in the very image of God. He had just as much right to live as I did, and I took that from him.
During the abortion, I could literally feel my baby being pulled from me. I screamed out and tried to stop the procedure, but it was too late. I heard the thump, and the suction machine turned off. I walked out of that abortion mill a different woman. For the first time in my life, I knew abortion was wrong (at least for me).
Post-Abortion
I was devasted. Joshua’s short life was over, and there was nothing I could do about it. For nine long years after I aborted my son, I lived life in denial. The only way I could cope with life as a post-abortion mom was to pretend like it never happened.
On the outside, everything looked great. I received a business degree, made great money, drove a luxury vehicle, traveled the world, had any man I desired, and bought anything and everything I wanted. But the truth was that on the inside I was completely broken.
I was suffering from what I now know to be Post Abortion Syndrome. I went from being an outgoing, straight-A student and successful athlete to privately becoming a depressed, promiscuous, drug- and alcohol-addicted woman who was full of guilt, shame, and regret.
The Miracle
In 2004, God changed all of that and performed a miracle in my life! In His great mercy, He regenerated my heart, caused me to repent of my sin, and granted me faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ! It is only because of Jesus and His finished work on the cross, where He bore the wrath of God the Father on my behalf, that I can share my story of redemption now!
After the Lord graciously saved me, He allowed me to go through an Abortion Recovery Bible Study at my local pregnancy center. When I began the study, I had no idea what to expect. The only thing I did know was that it was going to take a lot of courage to face the reality of what I had done. Praise God, He was with me every step of the way.
Like many post-abortive Christian women, I believed and understood that I was forgiven, but I did not know I needed to be healed from the wound of my abortion. God used that time in His Word to heal me from the deep pain of taking Joshua’s life and to free me from all the guilt and shame that I had carried for so many years.
The emotional scars left by abortion are often covered up by superficial remedies but inevitably leave the parent guilty before God because of their sin. The wound of abortion can only be truly healed by our Creator and God, Jesus Christ.
The Lord would use that small group of women to give me a safe space to grieve the loss of my son. He would also allow me to give Joshua the dignity that he deserved but was never afforded during his short life on earth.
Healing for All
Unbelieving post-abortion mothers and fathers need the truth of the Gospel to be able to truly heal from the pain of their abortion. They need to know that they can flee to Christ for the forgiveness of their sin.
Christian post-abortion mothers and fathers need help too. They need soul care. They need to walk with others like themselves through the truth of God’s Word, the truth about their actions, and the truth about what their babies suffered.
It takes a lot of courage to face the harsh realities of the sin of abortion, but God is faithful to give us help and hope in our time of need!
Please see the flyer below for information on one such resource for post-abortive women: my free and confidential Abortion Recovery Bible study and Weekend Retreat called Beauty from Ashes.
Georgia Right to Life Guest Columnist